He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
