Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
