i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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