M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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