sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
