you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
