I accidentally burped into my bong.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
