...so i touched it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
we're so committed to being not committed
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
