I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can you bring me the toilet please
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
