Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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