Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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