he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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