i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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