I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
