I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
