It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My life is pants optional.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
