I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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