I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
