Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
