it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
