wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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