Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
