STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
