Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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