Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How naked do you want me to be?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
