I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
