I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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