Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
