the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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