I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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