i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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