Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
