She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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