Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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