This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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