she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
