fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
