The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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