this boner is exhausting
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
