She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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