billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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