grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
