It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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