Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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