you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
