u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
