i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
