I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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