Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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