remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
