I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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