As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
