For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
is wine microwaveable?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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