This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
