just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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