I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
