I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
