Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
