Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
