You're my little dorito
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
