You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
