Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
