my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
