someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
