Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
