it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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