Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
