I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
