Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
