Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize