I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
