The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
