By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
