she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
