Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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