My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
