I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize