we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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