Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
only if we run a train.
done.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize