I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
