I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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