I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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