On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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