I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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